Darice Rene: Girl makes what
seems like a good life. Girl is

not happy girl blows up her
life. Girl finds peace. This is

my story. And the reason why I
created effortless and

unbothered. I created this
podcast and this platform

because honestly, I lived a life
that was a little off. And I

recognized the crazy, I called
out the crazy. And finally I

stopped the crazy. So I want to
share this with you, in hopes

that if there is someone out
there listening, that feels like

things are just really off and
they haven't put a name on it

yet, that you'll find some
inspiration for the story and

that you'll you'll be
encouraged, there is light at

So one day I woke up in this was
years ago. And I remembered that

the end of the tunnel.

I really hate to cook, and I'm
not doing it anymore. So let me

paint this picture for you. At
the time I'm married. And this

is a marriage, the second
marriage for both of us. We

brought both brought children to
the marriage. So we're talking,

I brought two he brought four
and we are the black Brady Bunch

minus Alice, right. And then
creating this life with this

gentleman, I created a world
that for everyone, except for me

felt extremely comfortable. I'm
talking, you know, six kids

every other weekend. We're
talking kids in sports, kids and

dance, we're talking full time
jobs for the both of us, and a

beautiful home. And we are
living this life that I'm

realizing over time just does
not suit me. And there were a

lot of different aspects. There
were a lot of different signals

that I just simply ignored,
because I dug my heels in. And

although there were some things
that felt off to me, I didn't

like the idea of failure to the
point that I ignored those

things.

There was a quote that I found
during this time, the quote is

credited to Henry David Thoreau.

And he says, most men lead lives
of quiet desperation, and go to

the grave with a song still in
them. I was most men, I felt

trapped, I felt stuck. And I
didn't realize it until I was so

deep into this thing. But I am
grateful that I did finally

recognize it before it was too
late. Some of the things that I

ignored along the way, were some
some dysfunctions within my

marriage. I realized after the
fact that we just had different

values, there was this
misalignment. Later, through a

lot of therapy, I learned that
there was also some codependency

there, stemming from some
childhood issues. I was in roles

at work that were chosen because
they suited the lifestyle that I

wanted to live, I had very
active children very proud of

what they were able to
accomplish as athletes. And so

my pursuits, my professional
pursuits became secondary to

making decisions that would
allow me to get them to their

practices and and take care of
them the way I wanted them to be

taken care of. Absolutely no
guilt or shame around that it

worked out beautifully. I'm very
happy about that. But at the

same time, there were some
things that I was denying

myself. I wasn't working in my
zone of genius. And for me, my

profession is very much
something that I identify with.

So there were some things that
were off there.

And then there was this
domestification of Darice. It

was interesting too because I, I
never actually subscribed to it,

I took to it, right. So you've
got six children looking at you.

And they're hungry, they want
something to eat. And so

naturally, I walk into the
kitchen and you know, 13 years

later, I'm preparing meals that
begin and end with, you know,

time in the kitchen, and I am
creating this for this one

because they don't like the main
meal and this one, you know, has

this allergy or this, you know,
preference and then there's

that. So on average, on kids
weekends, there might have been

three different versions of a
meal that I was preparing. And,

of course, I'd clean the kitchen
because nobody could clean the

kitchen as well as I could and,
and then there was the house

cleaning. And nobody could do
that, as well as I could and

this and this. So there were all
of these self imposed bad

choices.

And looking back on it. Now,
it's interesting to think about

the effect of, of what I did to
myself, but also the people that

were in that house that I took
on this journey. So I took on a

persona that didn't fit me or
suit me. And then taking on that

persona, I gave the people in
the house, this ideal that

wasn't really truly a great
ideal for me. It's funny, I had

one of my bonus babies come and
see me recently. And he's

everything, I love him so much.

And he said, 'Will you make me
a cheesecake?' Well, yes, you

know, I'll absolutely make your
cheesecake. But the funny part

is that I had made it and he was
sitting here having a slice. And

he said, "You know, I realized
along the way that you don't

like to cook, and it's crazy to
me, because you were always in

the kitchen. And it just seemed
like you really enjoyed it." And

that was kind of the epitome of
what they saw. You know, they

saw something that I don't want
to call it a facade. I took

ownership of that, and later
realize that no, it's it's not

good for me, it's not a good fit
for me.

So there, there was this
awakening, right? There was

this, this time where I had to
make some really tough choices,

some choices that affected a lot
of people. And I thank God for

grace and mercy. And thank God
for unconditional love from my

family, I thank God that I had
support through friends that

made me feel less crazy, but
crazy nonetheless. And that's

okay. So there, there have been
many pivots. And there had

become this mental clarity
around how to make the

adjustments that are needed to
make and I'm so grateful and

happy to have done the work. So
to speak out, how is it they

they say? You've got to do the
work. And if you could see me

right now I have air quotes. And
that's okay. Because now on this

side of things, I understand
what it means to make those

choices that require
transformation, I understand the

growth and it took time. So this
message is really for those that

have gone through, or are going
through something similar, I

want to let you know, it does
get better, there is light. And

there is time. Time is one of
those elements that can really

keep you stuck. If you bind
yourself around this construct

of time in the wrong way in a
negative way. You know, I read

something or look at something
just about every day where

someone is highlighting, you
know, the 60 year old who just

started college or the 12 year
old that started college, and

both of them are fine, if that's
what suits them. There are those

of us, though, who have this
clock running in the back of our

heads. And we feel as if certain
things should be accomplished

within certain regions of our
life. And I have to tell you

that constraint will keep you
stuck if you subscribe to it. So

I really hope and pray that you
are not living in that lie. And

that you can come past it, you
know, the the quote that I

brought up earlier, they go to
the grave with the song still in

them.

There is time as long as you are
breathing, to make the necessary

adjustments. So I'm hoping to
encourage you. One of the things

that I promised in this podcast
life of mine is that I would

bring practical tips as we are
learning and growing together.

And one of the things I wanted
to share in relation to how I

stopped my crazy was first to
get clear on what it is I

wanted. There was a book I read
some years ago and I don't ever

remember what the book was. But
in that book, there was an

exercise where we readers were
told to write down 100 things

you want. It was funny for me
because I took so long to think

of that list. Now mind you
picture this, you've, you've got

this blank slate, there's nobody
in the room, there's nobody

who's going to read the list,
there's no judgment. And yet,

for me to identify what I wanted
for my life was, it was not, it

was not an automatic response.

And after some time, when I
looked back at that exercise,

realized, even that process and
what it took, it occurred to me

that I had built so much time
and put so much energy and

effort into taking care of the
people around me. Keep in mind,

let me go back, remember those
six people, three different

versions of dinner, I was
cooking, I had built this muscle

of taking care of others and
denying myself and it was so

strong, that when I was asked to
write down what I want it for my

life, I could not accomplish it.

I came up with maybe 20 to 30
things and I put it away. And it

took me months to go back and
add to that list. And as I heal,

I would go back and add a few
more things. And I would take

some months, go back, add a few
more things. In in that it was

the journey that I needed to go
on, to be able to get clear

about what I wanted, so that I
can make the adjustments so that

I can get in alignment with who
I truly was. So my suggestion

Sis, for anyone who's going
through anything similar, where

you're feeling like you can't
sing the song that you were

meant to sing, is to start
taking action. If your action is

as simple as getting a journal,
then get a journal, I highly

suggest journals and advise
folks to get journals. Because

there's something about writing
down what's happening in your

head. You're right, like, there
are those of us who just stay in

our heads. And it's, it's crazy
up there, like the way you take

something and make it real, like
the way you assign value to

things as they're sitting in
your head is just sometimes

unhealthy. So journaling is is
one practice that is just a

simple, simple practice, to get
clear on what's important to

you, and what will truly make
you happy, what will give you

peace, what will give you joy.

There's some work to do. But
before you blow up, and, you

know, take folks with you on
that journey, I suggest being

very intentional. You know, one
of the other things I suggest is

as you are journaling, if you
find it difficult to just begin

to describe what's happening in
your life and documenting how

you're feeling. Then find some
prompts that relate to self

awareness. So if you Google, and
it's easy to do journal prompts

for self awareness, you're going
to find something that resonates

with you. And I suggest you
start just give yourself 10

minutes, give yourself 15
minutes. Maybe it's one day a

week, maybe it's two days a
week. Just start somewhere.

I heard Mel Robbins talk about
her definition of joy. And in

one of those definitions of joy
for her it was keeping promises

to herself. And when I heard
that I thought my God, how great

is that? and How simple is that.

However it's not always easy to
implement, especially if you're

someone who's constantly pouring
into and taking care of those

around you. Keeping promises to
yourself is a good start. And

journaling. Getting those
journal prompts that relate to

self awareness is a great place
to start start small and I

promise you, you're going to be
surprised at what happens next.

That's it. I want you to know
you're not alone. So if after

you hear this story you'd like
to DM me or email me, mail a

letter contact me in any way.

Just head to our website,
effortlessandunbothered.com and

let me know if this resonates
with you. Leave a comment

wherever you listen to podcasts.

I thank you for spending this
time with me today and I hope it

was helpful to you.